I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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