I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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