Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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