i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
