Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
