shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I understand Curling. That high.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
