I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
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