I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
