really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
