I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
