Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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