He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
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