Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
