I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize