It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
