Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
