I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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