I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
