and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
