I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
