honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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