the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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