A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize