I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
And then he peed in my hair
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