I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
