but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
