It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
