walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
