We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
