He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
