Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
