just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
