my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize