I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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