Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
