i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
