So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It's blow job season.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
