bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
