dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize