you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
This baby is an asshole
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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