We won't sleep together?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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