My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize