why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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