Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize
