i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
