i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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