Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize