he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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