dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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