i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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