she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
