Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
