If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
