i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
