New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
