my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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