You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
