I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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