meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Drunk walkin through police station. America
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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