bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
