who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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