I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
