I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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