Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
