After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize