I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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