I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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