once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
