are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
