how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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