someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
