I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
