This is not my ceiling
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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