I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
