Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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