my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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