She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
