do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
