apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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