so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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