so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
