Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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