All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Randomize
