just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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