And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize