sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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