On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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