Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Randomize
