What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
