You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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