New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
