I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
