Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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