what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
