Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize