Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
