I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
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