Betty ford says i'm here all night
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
