Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
