There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
