bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
