We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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