Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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