I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
