What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
